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#1 2008-01-06 02:36:45

hardy24
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Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Okay, so here is my effort, in the day 7 fanfic challenge.

A few things to note. First is that I really didn't spend as much time on this as i'd hoped i'd get to. Some non crucial scenes are missing, so this isn't really a "whole" episode as such.

Secondly, if was Fox and the exec producers, going forward with my version day 7, the official noises and leaks would have been different. I would have been tightlipped about if Tony was at one point going to return at the end of day 6. And leaks between end of 6 and start of 7 would have revealed that a male character previously believed dead would return and that it could be anyone from a list of tony/mason/palmer/walsh etc etc. But would at all cost have kept it underwraps that it was indeed Tony. Keep in mind when reading.

Thirdly, i've kind of stolen/nicked/appropriated Steve's idea of a prequel episode which establishes story, although I was sort of leaning that way before he said it. That was this episode is of sorts. So some jumps in time occur between scenes, i've purposely not stated exactly how much time to have some mystery to the events. Things are fairly "real time" within the scenes themselves and some do link up and simply change location and don't jump in time.

More info after ...

24

The following events occur in real time between the days of **/**/** and **/**/**

Somewhere In L.A. - 20:35:45

A barren warehouse apartment. A man lay on it's hard dirty wooden floor and violently gasped back to life from a state of unconsciousness.

He looked around in complete shock. His surroundings unfamiliar. His exact situation unclear and unexpected.

He was alone, at first glance there appeared to be nothing of interest in his immediate vicinity, but closer inspection revealed the presence of a mobile phone on the floor next to him. It's screen the only real source of light in the room, advertised the existence of an answer phone message. Pressing the appropriate button he then proceeded to hold it to his ear as it began to play   

"theres a good chance your gonna be pretty pissed right now, but shut up and listen to me .... "

Some year(s) later - 06:00:05

Jack Bauer looked out on the sea, unsure, unknowing, uncertain. His heart willed him to look back, but for once his head was stronger. His mind racing with a thousand thoughts was calmed by the beauty of the scene before him, one which many took for granted he had been denied for eighteen months. Another chapter in his life seemed to be closing, but he was unsure why or how, if it was a good thing or a bad thing, if it was what he wanted or if it was what he needed.

It was still early and there was no one else around. A complete absence of sound except that of the waves crashing below him slowly had something of a effect on him, his was able to dismiss much of his frustrated and confused thoughts and focus more intently on things he had some immediate control over and those which would be the most immediately productive to address.

Somewhere in the U.S.

Two men watched the scene with differing levels of interest by means of a computer screen displaying a hijacked feed of a surveillance satellite.

"Did you re-task this yourself?"

"No, I didn't even realise who it was until just now."

"Then why'd it interest you in the first place?"

"I was just skimming through and saw it being taken out of it's usual group and being re-tasked to follow him, I was curious to know who it was, but then I realised I was seeing stuff a half hour before the news reported it."

"Print up a detailed list of exactly where it's ... he's been today and pull any corresponding intelligence & police reports you can get your hands on." With that the man giving the orders turned and walked to the door before turning back round and asking "it's a U.S. government satellite right?"

"No."

"No?"

"No, officially it's simply commercial, but it's broadcasting it's signal over a Chinese government frequency." 

06:10:35

Jack sat on a bench a little way from the beach house. He fished out a phone from his pocket and thumbing in a number which he hoped was still correct. After a while ringing, a voice at the other end answered.

"Uhm, .... , Hello" Was the answer.

"Chloe?" Jack returned.

"Oh, yeah, hi Jack, sorry I was sleeping."

"No i'm sorry Chloe, I don't mean to wake you."

"Jack, it's fine, I just didn't expect to her from you so soon, Bill told me you'd probably disappear again."

"I was planning too, but plans change. I'm not sure what i'm going to do, but I need some place to crash while I decide."

"There's the old safe house on elm that you can use. It's off the books now. Keys in the same place it's always been."

"Thanks Chloe."

Some months later - 23:30:59 - The Mojave Desert

It was an odd irony for Mandy to be conducting her meeting here. She lingered on it as she leaned against her Jeep and looked at the fire which defiantly provided heat and light to her surroundings on such a bitterly cold night. Her contact was late, perhaps intentionally to let her dwell on her past activities in this place. She had come to the conclusion he had to have known about them to choose this location as their meeting place.

Her uncharacteristic nostalgia was broken when she heard the sound of a Jeep approaching. Soon the newly arrived Jeep was parked on the opposite side of the fire to hers and her contact emerged. It had been a while since she'd seen him, then they'd played quite different roles to that of buyer and seller that they now found themselves in.

"No you have the information?" He said, getting straight down to business.

"Yes, the level of surveillance seems to ..."

"I asked if you had the information, not your analysis of it" he cut her off.

"Yes ..." she answered more briskly this time "... do you have the money?" He took a brown envelope out of his pocket and tossed it to her. After a quick look inside she was satisfied and proceeded quickly to retrieve a folder from her car, he clearly want to forgo as much of the usual cliché as possible which she could understand but there was something else about his demeanour as if he being around her made him uncomfortable for some reason.

She walked over to him and handed him the folder, he made a quick pass through it's contents and she seemed unconcerned now with the proceedings.
"You don't like dealing with me do you?", his eyes quickly flicked towards her, then back to continue his inspection, she took it as an affirmative response. "You probably despise conducting business like this, being at the same lowly level as me, any skill for hire at the right price .... I wouldn't worry, you get used to it. You might even come to enjoy it, we get to see the big change coming, to help shape it, the guys sitting behind a desk in a suit, there just damage limitation, doing there best to maintain the most comfortable status quo possible.

He'd ignored her during her little speech, and had finished his once over of the documents. Finally looking up he gave her a bit of a cold stare and said simply.

"Tell your employer thanks."

The O'Brian House - 23:45:12

"Did he seem alright?" Morris asked as he moved about the kitchen.

"Yeah, he seemed fine" Chloe replied, sitting on a chair recalling to Morris the events of her meeting such as it was, with Jack. "I'm just not sure if he's actually wired to cope with simply 'fine' anymore, he still doesn't know what he wants to do. I think part of him would be relieved if a crisis woke him up at four in the morning and demanded his attention, and it may come, but on the other hand he could spend a lot of time waiting for nothing to happen.

23:47:28

Jack walked to the fridge to get another beer. It was late, he should have been trying to sleep but he knew he couldn't. Opening the fridge, it internal light flickered on, and off again, along with every other electric light in the house, his power had been cut. Before he could react, the familiar sound and feel of a hand gun being cocked and it's nuzzle being nudged against the back of his head.

His pulse quicken, but due to excitement and anticipation, rather than fear.

"Turn around, ... , slowly" a voice said, with a touch more gravel to it than he remembered. Jack did as he had been commanded and as he did so the figure moved back into the shadows, his old friend seemed to have developed a sense of the dramatic since they'd last seen each other.

"You took your time making contact." Jack said.

"Yeh", was the clipped response "I wanted to be as sure as possible before I did", the figure moved out of the shadows to reveal what Jack already knew, a slightly smile spread across Jack's face.

"It's good to see you Tony."

23:59:59

------

My plan for this, was always to try and "Reboot" the show, to wash away alot of the clutter and stuff and go back to the barebones of characters we like and think have more interesting stories in them, the thinking that this would be an attractive idea to the core, been watching from the beginning fans, but also that maybe it would appeal to new fans (which the show needs to have any kind of future shelf life) in that you don't necessarily need any previous knowledge of the show because all required information will be in the show without laying the exposition on really think and hopefully getting back to the s1 legacy of crediting the audience with some intelligence.

If I continued writing the second chapter would probably simply be Jack and Tony talking, saying everything I think Jack and Tony would say to each other at this point as the clock hasn't really started ticking yet, although Jack and Tony's conversation would start to move in the direction of the days plot, but building it up slowly.

In all likelihood episodes after that would be closer to a more traditional 24, but things would be done out of moving the plot forward, or advancing character, not simply because "normal 24 things".

I do also have some cool ideas for the "Jack Bauer on Trial"/"CTU Hearings", but i'm thinking at the moment that would be part of the finale of my day 7.


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#2 2008-01-06 23:48:20

Steveb
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

I like it. Actually, although we're covering a similar idea, thematically the stories are going to be incredibly different I think. The breaking of the real-time is an interesting move, which I like, but I'm not sure if it's necessarily sustainable. For the main body of the series I'd prefer the more traditional format, but that's personal preference, I don't think it really matters.

Tony's entrance is good- I'm guessing he's who we see in the first scene? The final scene is great and sets up so much. I can actually imagine watching this and screaming at the TV as the credits roll by.


"The water is unpalatable, to improve the taste we added Whiskey. By diligent effort I learned to like it." Winston Churchill

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#3 2008-01-07 11:32:32

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Steveb wrote:

I'm not sure if it's necessarily sustainable. For the main body of the series I'd prefer the more traditional format, but that's personal preference, I don't think it really matters.

The format i'm going with is that the second episode would probably be completely real time, but then there would be a time jump between 2 and 3, and then we'd be into a real time day but because there would only be 22 episode left to cover 24 hours, there would be another two time jumps of an hour each strategically placed.

Tony's entrance is good- I'm guessing he's who we see in the first scene? The final scene is great and sets up so much.

Yes he's who we see in the beginning seen, and your sort of meant to be left wondering if the other scenes containing an unnamed man are Tony or not. The idea being to tease it for as long as possible, to actually make the viewer doubt if it is Tony, even though we know it is, in order to get a big reaction from fans ...

I can actually imagine watching this and screaming at the TV as the credits roll by

... Yeah, that be what I was looking for.

So, when can we look forward to yours Steve?


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#4 2008-01-07 22:43:15

Steveb
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

I'd like to say tomorrow, but realistically it'll be wednesday or very very late tomorrow night. I'm away at the moment and get back tomorrow but have to go straight to work when I get back.


"The water is unpalatable, to improve the taste we added Whiskey. By diligent effort I learned to like it." Winston Churchill

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#5 2008-01-07 22:52:21

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Ah, that brings up a question i've been meaning to ask you for a while, how is life post uni?. You going to be a big acting star? I'm in that horrible third year moment when I'm constantly asking myself if it's all worth the hassle and desperately wanting to start post graduate life and be able earn some money for a change. But that's all probably for a different thread.


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#6 2008-01-10 19:12:53

Steveb
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Post-uni wasn't going superbly, but things are now on the up. Just got parts in a play and a short film, so I'm quite happy at the moment. From my experience, this point of third year will be slightly grinding, but it will get better towards february/ march time.

Anyway, on topic, I've spent the last 6 hours reformatting my computer and unfortunately forgot that Word didn't come with it, so I can't use any of the writing files I have until I've reinstalled it, so there's going to be more delay in posting my first chapter.


"The water is unpalatable, to improve the taste we added Whiskey. By diligent effort I learned to like it." Winston Churchill

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#7 2008-01-11 09:04:32

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Steveb wrote:

Post-uni wasn't going superbly, but things are now on the up. Just got parts in a play and a short film, so I'm quite happy at the moment.

Glad to here it.

Anyway, on topic, I've spent the last 6 hours reformatting my computer and unfortunately forgot that Word didn't come with it, so I can't use any of the writing files I have until I've reinstalled it, so there's going to be more delay in posting my first chapter.

Sometimes these delays are inevitable. But still I look forward to reading it.


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#8 2008-01-13 12:16:50

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

alright, so I finally had the time to read your chapter, dan. obviously, the reintroduction of mandy is interesting, and tony's entrance is just as it should be *grin* big_smile. the thing about the unknown man, I understand you don't want to reveal - and it works in writing, and I suppose it would work on tv if you just showed the man from the back, even if tony's posture and movements are so characteristic that he would be recognized anyway tongue. yet I would hope that as the day progresses you'd reveal the secrets wink.

the only real flaw i have with this is the orthography and while reading it I was itching to go into the file and start correcting the spelling tongue. I don't know what it is with (some) native speakers, but the differences between things like "its" and "it's", "their", "there" and "there're" and other stuff are definitely blending... but it doesn't make them correct wink

anyway I'd look forward to reading more. any idea whether or not you'll be writing it?

and steve, are your computer problems solved?


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#9 2008-01-13 13:27:02

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

To be honest, i'm not entirely sure how the hiding of Tony's identity would work on TV, but I didn't want to over think these things. But my take on "his posture and movements would be recognized" is that I just have to cast enough doubt in the viewers mind to hold them in suspense until the final scene. The motivation for all that was a the very first scene of the last season of west wing. The on going story arc is the election of a new president, and in this first scene they jump forward in time to when the election has been finished and there are a few things to hint at which of the two candidates wins the election, but it doesn't offer 100% confirmation. That's kind of what I was going for.

The Mandy scene was odd, it was a "oh let's have Mandy in a scene", it sort of made sense, although for reasons not immediately clear at the moment.

Yeah, my "it's" and "theirs" are always a bit confused. I would have given it a bit of a polish, but I wrote the vast amount of it over a two hours period late one night when the urge struck and I knew I wouldn't sleep until I had finished and posted it.

I'm will definitely write episode two, which will just be a long scene between Jack and Tony, intercut with a few other smaller plot helpful scenes. I'm really keen to write my take on what Jack and Tony would say to each other, so that when s7 does come I can compare.

So that will definitely get written, but my uni schedule for the next week is crazy. So it will be some time after that.   

After i've written episode 2 I don't know if I have enough time and ideas to fill another 22 episodes. But I do have some good ideas I want to explore, so I may jump forward and write episodes I think are particularly interesting.


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#10 2008-01-13 16:03:51

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

alright, fair enough. I am really interested in the scene btw jack and tony, if for no other reason, then simply because I'm on total Almeida withdrawal and I NEED it. lol. so whenever you get around to it, just do it, as Nike would say wink.

I totally understand the to write or not to write the rest of it take, and it's probably better to jump ahead than to leave it forever unfinished (you know what I'm talking about wink).


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#11 2008-01-13 18:04:35

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

jack_addict wrote:

I totally understand the to write or not to write the rest of it take, and it's probably better to jump ahead than to leave it forever unfinished (you know what I'm talking about wink).

Yes I do, and i'll hopefully get back to nightfall sooner or later.


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#12 2008-01-13 18:09:29

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

when are you finishing uni? maybe after that is over you'll get around to it - before the real life starts wink


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#13 2008-01-13 22:52:11

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

I finish uni at the end of may, if all goes according to plan I will have a fair amount of time for other creative projects as hopefully I'll be working flexible freelance hours for a web design company.


put your hands in your pockets looked away : andsmiled.com : blog

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#14 2008-01-14 16:09:41

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

that sounds awesome. have you already got a job in sight? is it a BA that you're getting or an MA? or something else that I don't know about wink


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#15 2008-01-14 16:15:52

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

I did a one month work experience placement with a company as part of my final year and they've told me i've got a job when I finish, subject to us working out hours and a few others things, and I've done a few bits of work for them since when it fits my schedule and they have a heavy workload.

It's a BA Honours degree, I really couldn't hack doing a Masters.


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#16 2008-01-14 20:21:56

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

excellent big_smile. good luck with it then! smile

to be perfectly honest, i don't really understand the "honours" in the british educational system. care to explain? I remember when I was looking for a PhD position i also looked at some british unis and they were always asking for a Honours degree, upper class or whatever. can't really remember. but maybe you can put it in some understandable terms?


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#17 2008-01-14 20:37:44

hardy24
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Well, as far as I know, there are two types of degrees, there's a simple BA, then there's BA Honours. For a Degree course to even the "honours" title, it has to have been running for a certain amount of time, 5 years or something like that, and it has to include a written dissertation.

Simple BA courses don't have to include a dissertation, they simply have to meet a minimum standard and the means of testing is highly subjective to the course topic.


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#18 2008-01-14 21:03:50

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

oh I see, thanks for that explanation smile. so your BA Honours already takes 5 years? I thought it lasted 3, and then if you did a Masters that would take you another year or two. systems indeed do differ...

you know, linguistically speaking, it's funny you guys call the written thesis for the BA a dissertation - here, 'dissertation' is a word reserved for the PhD thesis and the expression, "I'm doing my diss" is synonymously used with "I'm doing my PhD", while the other theses (like the BA / BSc or MA/MSc) are "just" theses.


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#19 2008-01-15 00:02:12

hardy24
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From: London
Registered: 2007-02-28
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

No a BA Honours takes 3 years, same as any other degree. Then a Masters is another year of study, although it's quite popular to do a Masters "part time" as it where and spread it over two years.

Your right about the usage of such words as "dissertation" and "thesis", I'm fairly certain the term thesis or theses would be more commonly used in a masters of PhD course in the UK, while most other countries in europe, the u.s. and canada on the whole have the two terms reversed.

If you really want to be baffled at our weird higher education system, have a look into the blurring between a "college" and a "university" in the UK. Most people can't figure it out these days, so now I find myself studying at a "university college".


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#20 2008-01-15 21:08:38

J_A
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

LOL. a university college, that sounds interesting. in fact it sounds like someone decided to "compromise - once." (as jack would say to nina big_smile).


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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#21 2008-01-15 22:29:59

hardy24
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From: London
Registered: 2007-02-28
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Compromise, once, yeah that would fit my college/university/university college pretty well, when I started it was a very good course and a very good creative university, it was even named by a fairly good creative magazine as one of the top ten places to do a design degree in the UK.

Now they've become obsessed with money instead of standards, so much so that the professor who developed our course some 6 or 7 years ago ending up quitting because he was so fed up with it all.


put your hands in your pockets looked away : andsmiled.com : blog

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#22 2008-01-16 08:29:36

J_A
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From: CTU Zurich
Registered: 2007-03-05
Posts: 1,436
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Re: Dan's Day 7 Fanfiction - Chapter 1

oh that's a shame. well, at least you're going to be out soon enough and won't have to bother any more. but why does this story of quality & standards moving towards money interests remind me of the development of a show we all know as 24... it can't be all there is to worry about - or can it?


tony.jpg

"Yeah, I didn't wanna believe Tony Almeida was a terrorist either, but at some point we just have to deal with the facts. Not with what we want to believe is true."

You need to start living in the real world! Because every second you help the government you're spittin' on Teri's grave!

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